In this time of pandemic and sabbatical I want to take time to reflect. It’s been 9 years since my wife and I moved into the inner city. More specifically, we set down our roots in LA’s Eastside community – a largely working class Latino neighborhood with a significant immigrant population. These are 9 lessons I’ve learned since living here and we plan to continue to for the foreseeable future (I know many of these are generalizations and there are always exceptions but these are just some of my observations. I’m still learning. 😛 ):
1. Greet everyone when you arrive and when you leave a gathering
This may be something more specific to Latino cultures but it’s something that Ji picked up first (she has more “noonchi” than me, so she can “read the room” much better than me. :P). She noticed that every party or gathering we went to in the community most everyone that arrived would go around to at least briefly greet (wave, speak, shake hands, hug, and/or kiss on the cheek) most of the guests and would do the same when leaving. This speaks to me of the high value of honoring the presence of family and friends physically…no matter how distant the relation by association each person should be acknowledged. I never really noticed that I would usually just greet the people I was closest to at gatherings but I had to live outside my box to see there was another way to recognize community larger than my own.
2. Life is not about what you do but about your relationships
In middle class circles that i grew up in and associated with people would often ask what one did for a living (i.e. a career) or where one studied (education). Amongst the working class, I had to learn pretty quickly that even small talk in the inner city was different. Many I encountered and started building relationships with may have had jobs but that didn’t always mean they viewed it as careers – work that wasn’t always a source of pride for them but rather work that they were able to get given the limited options that were open to them from limited educational resources. What my community did talk about was their families. Our neighbors may have been stand-off-ish at first but once they found out Ji was pregnant with our first child we were showered with warmth and relational bonds began to form. Yes, what we do is important but I learned from the inner city to value the relationships that we have that hold up our spirits and with whom we can share life no matter where we find ourselves.
3. Proximity promotes interaction
Of course there are challenges to living in such close proximity with a lot of people in the inner city (for example, it’s hard to have silence and solitude…i’ve gotten used to the continual sound of ice cream trucks and random explosive sounds throughout the night). But I grew up in a suburb so it was such a strange but welcome change to see so many of my neighbors out and about. In the two homes we have lived in the inner city we’ve been about a block away from the main street of the neighborhood, meaning it’s quite common for neighbors to be walking past the sidewalk of our home. As we take out our trash bins, sit in front of our home, tend to our small plants, take walks with our little ones, it’s easier to strike up conversations with neighbors. I love that. It’s very humanizing. The street that we live on now has a handful of older señores and señoras that watch over our street and know all about what’s going on in our block. Countless times they’ve given us a heads up if there was suspicious activity around our home when we didn’t see. Their knowledge has been invaluable and their presence assuring.
4. The power of story and analogy
When I listen to the stories of people from different walks of life I move towards deeper understanding, compassion, and connection. My wife reminds me that this is true for most people but people in the inner city really respond to stories and analogies. In the “ivory tower” of academics or amongst the middle class we can sometimes get carried away with abstract and fancy ideas but these can sometimes go over the heads of folks and lose their roots to real everyday life. A good story not only gets our attention but can move and inspire us, often times more than stats and cold hard facts. A good analogy can give complex ideas hands and feet to stick with us. It’s no wonder that when Jesus walked amongst us He shared about the Kingdom of God through stories and analogies. He knows what speaks to us if we care to listen.
5. The urban poor are teachers of the ministry of presence
It took me a long time to see, understand, and appreciate this. As a person coming largely from the middle class I’ve put high value on efficiency and structures, especially as they have served me. However, in my focus on such things I’ve uncovered blind spots as well and I’ve missed opportunities for more meaningful relationships. I’ve learned from the urban poor that it’s in the informal times, not just the formal, that trust is built. It’s in the laughter, the tears, and the spontaneous moments in which life happens that bonds are built. They have modeled for me how to stay present and persevere THROUGH the struggles and pain, for indeed there are many in the inner city. I still remember when I shared with a group of brothers in Jesus, most of who were former gang members, that my father was diagnosed with cancer. One guy ran up to me and dropped down to his knees and grabbed me by the hand. They knew how to be and stay present when things got real. They didn’t miss a beat and immediately prayed for me, when I thought I was there to “serve” them. My father is in remission, I believe, through their prayers. They have taught me what it looks like to be loyal friends. This isn’t to romanticize the urban poor for poverty can be terribly inhumane. But I know I still have more to learn from my siblings for they are rich in faith and, according to Jesus, the Kingdom of God belongs to them.
6. The middle class may be good for consistency but the working class are good in an emergency
For many in the middle class consistency has been what’s been modeled and passed on. And that’s a good thing if any good work is to continue for the longer haul. But for many of my working class friends the adults in their lives haven’t always been reliable and stability is uncertain so it wasn’t as helpful to wait around for somethings that may not come. In the midst of uncertainty, they’ve had to grow much more in flexibility and hustle to survive. They’ve had to grow a wider network for support. This I believe has grown their muscles for emergencies. When there’s been an unexpected emergency or death i’ve seen folks in the community pull together what resources they have to help in whatever ways they can – community connections, funds, meals, and presence. When some emergency goes down for a middle class person (which doesn’t happen quite as often because they’ve often shaped their lives to avoid those) they often may not reach out to other folks in their community quite as quickly because they may have the financial resources to deal with it on their own. But moreover, possibly, because their networks may not be as familiar with what to do or be able to relate as well and readily drop things as needed with all the commitments to consistency they’ve built into their own lives. When my father-in-law passed, I was amazed by how quickly our community responded, dropping what they had going on to offer to serve and be present to my wife.
7. Structures should serve people not people serve structures
Structures are helpful for development so that one doesn’t constantly have to waste energy re-inventing the wheel and putting out preventable fires. But I’ve had to learn that structures can also become a hindrance if they aren’t serving to the people they’re meant to serve. An over reliance on structures can cause us to forget that we’re working with people with different needs and motivations…in other words, with real human beings in circumstances we cannot always control. That is hard for me given I have realized how control has become such an issue for me. Living in the inner city (and this pandemic too) has shown me what an illusion control is. Order is good but I must remember that I must continually surrender control to God who knows better how to order things rightly and justly. When structures are more for structures sake than they are for helping people in unique situations it’s okay and even good to adjust them or lay them down as needed. The spirit of all laws (and structures), as I understand God’s word, is to choose what promotes life. Love is always worth the extra work. Love is what will endure.
8. It is not bad to show emotion
I don’t really know where I picked up this notion that it’s bad to show emotion. As a man, our culture has taught us that there is only a small range of acceptable emotions – generally only those that portray “strength” and God forbid that we show any weakness. As someone who is ethnically Japanese the cultural models elevated have been stoic samurai that will die for a cause. As someone raised and pointed toward upward mobility in America it’s meant playing the game and being about “reason” over “emotion.” But why then do we have emotions? Why does our creator, in whose image we have been made, express the full range of emotions? Why does our Savior allow himself to weep? I suspect there is something suspect about downplaying emotion. Sure, we don’t want to be controlled by emotion but I believe it’s more damaging to suppress them rather than feel them and work with them…because they will leak out either way. In a revealing cross-class conversation we were asked why middle class folks don’t show more emotion. It made our working class friends feel like one had to be perfect and so become almost unrelatable. That was an eye opening reminder to me. In my fear of what others might think I was pushing myself away from myself. I am learning to communicate myself with more feeling, even the ones more difficult to express, not only to be more honest but to remind us that we are human beings that long for connection. To be present to oneself and to express emotions is to express that you are a human being made in the image of God.
9. People don’t care what you know so much as if you were there for them
People in my community don’t care so much about my education or my titles. Their test of trust is whether I will be there for them. At the end of the day, our lives, isn’t that true? We remember those who have touched our lives more than their status in life. When I had cause for celebration who rejoiced with me? When I was sick, hurting, or in need, who was it that showed up for me? In a life full of struggle it is important to practice celebration regularly where we can. My community has taught me to show up for birthdays, games, and special milestone events because they cannot take them for granted. It has been the community of the working class in the inner city that have taught me to show up when there is heartbreak and tragedy. It is has been my undocumented immigrant friends that have shown me most the meaning of hard work, to live with courage every day, and to show up day in and day out. When I need prayer they are the ones I can count on to actually do so…powerfully. It may be inconvenient for me at times but showing up for folks is to show that their lives matter…and we are always better together.
treevalley in the inner city 