it has been quite a busy month. there’s a lot that still needs to be accomplished. but it’s good to know God is always at work…if we just stop to notice.
being away on paternity leave a month ago opened my eyes up to my own insecurity and identity wrapped up in the work that i produce. although having plenty of time with my family and newborn son was full of windows of joy, there was a gnawing sense of not feeling “productive” being unable to do all the work i’m usually a part of. why is it that if there isn’t visible exciting results of my labor, there’s a part of me that doesn’t allow myself to enjoy God and what he has given me? isn’t it God’s will that i am joyful and thankful in ALL circumstances just as much as that i do good?
as i returned back to work there was still that sense that i needed to catch up for the lost work at best and at worst haunted by what i imagined was people’s disapproval that i wasn’t doing enough. many of the people i am reaching out to were struggling or unresponsive. the focus of the work was just on maintaing. one night at youth group i gave a teaching on our Heavenly Father’s commitment to love us and was challenged to, along with the youth, listen to what God wanted to speak to us. as i looked out into the group of people present, i saw in my mind’s eye kernels of wheat sprouting and i sensed God say to me “don’t focus only on what you see…I am at work.”
later that week, through a facebook post of all places, God led me to this stunning passage in scripture:
Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
– Jeremiah 17:5-8
here i was wearing myself out with what i could do and the results of MY work when i was not trusting what HE could do with what is ultimately HIS work. if i looked back in the past months he had been leading me through chapters 40s-50s in the book of Isaiah…the constant theme is how HE is God and we, or anything else we set up to focus on, is not. i just hadn’t been making the connections to work.
don’t get me wrong, we shouldn’t just throw our hands up in the air and neglect our responsibilities with the work God’s entrusted to us. it’s just that at the end of the day who or what are we really trusting in to get things done? for me, in my heart of hearts, that trust was not in God. if you’re unable to sleep at night stressing about all that you need to do maybe it’s not God that you’re trusting but yourself. so i kept doing what He put in my care but i threw my weight into prayer to God for the results. i got a little bold in asking God to do what He promised he was about in His word. it’s been pretty sweet to see Him at work now that i’m looking at it with fresh eyes. one of the people i’ve been i’ve been investing in who had been ignoring my calls/texts initiated with me and has been coming to church after a long absence. through an urban leaders conference we went to last weekend, i got to witness God softening and ministering to the hearts of a number of young leaders that had been distant but God’s been opening them up to His goodness again. God has been exciting me with visions of things to come…that still haven’t happened yet.
we still got a ways to go. i still have a ways to go. but let’s not be like shrubbery in the desert. let’s be fruitful trees planted in His Living Water.